I went out with a friend of mine the other night. He says some weird stuff sometimes, but this night was beyond normal and half past worth sharing.
We were sitting at our favorite bar after we'd left our respective jobs, and were harassing via text some friends who were still working. But after two beers: Typing. Was. Shot. Done. After two beers he was about to win the Best of Damn You Auto Correct. I started teasing him about his texting capability at this point (obvs, what else was there to do?) when he looks at me straight faced and says,
"I'm half past a monkey's uncle."
I BURST OUT LAUGHING and I looked back at him like,
BUT I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS.
(Of course he didn't either.)
Because of that, I needed to explore the etymology to determine the meaning of the most original set of words ever stated. Ever.
As far as I can see it, the phrase can be divided into two parts: Half Past and Monkey's Uncle. Now, watch me bullshit my way to some sort of meaning using the extremely reliable resources Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia.
Half Past: Existing at a point halfway beyond a determined state of being; being extremely, extremely something.
I'll be a Monkey's Uncle: 1) A statement indicating the absurdity of a situation. 2) The title of a Three Stooges film where some absurd things happen to a group of cavemen.
Leading us to...
Half Past a Monkey's Uncle: 1) Being shocked at the absurdity of your own behavior as you are acting approximately 50% stranger than normal. 2) I'm a drunk, ridiculous human being.
And there you are. The story of an original phrase told to me by a Monkey's Uncle who was just a little bit beyond himself. Go forth. Use it. Love it.