Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Sheet (Or Two) to the Wind

I went out with a friend of mine the other night. He says some weird stuff sometimes, but this night was beyond normal and half past worth sharing.

We were sitting at our favorite bar after we'd left our respective jobs, and were harassing via text some friends who were still working. But after two beers: Typing. Was. Shot. Done. After two beers he was about to win the Best of Damn You Auto Correct. I started teasing him about his texting capability at this point (obvs, what else was there to do?) when he looks at me straight faced and says,

"I'm half past a monkey's uncle."

I BURST OUT LAUGHING and I looked back at him like,

He had come up with the most original new catchphrase!
(Of course he didn't either.)

Because of that, I needed to explore the etymology to determine the meaning of the most original set of words ever stated. Ever.

As far as I can see it, the phrase can be divided into two parts: Half Past and Monkey's Uncle. Now, watch me bullshit my way to some sort of meaning using the extremely reliable resources Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia.

Half Past: Existing at a point halfway beyond a determined state of being; being extremely, extremely something.

I'll be a Monkey's Uncle: 1) A statement indicating the absurdity of a situation. 2) The title of a Three Stooges film where some absurd things happen to a group of cavemen.

Leading us to...
Half Past a Monkey's Uncle: 1) Being shocked at the absurdity of your own behavior as you are acting approximately 50% stranger than normal. 2) I'm a drunk, ridiculous human being.

And there you are. The story of an original phrase told to me by a Monkey's Uncle who was just a little bit beyond himself. Go forth. Use it. Love it.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Beers, Movies, and Stuff my Mom Says

"Sometimes I just think funny things."

I think to myself, and then giggle.

And then realize it's something that my mom has been saying for years.

Because she first heard it in Arthur years ago.

Does one ever have a truly original thought, or is it all "Going off what Susan said..." and "I totally agree, and I'd like to add!"

And that's why, on a random Wednesday of all nights, I decided that a blog was the way to go.

Although I'm not sure that even that explanation entirely suffices.

Perhaps it was the fact that I applied for EIGHT jobs today, had a response from one (yay!) and then nothing....

Perhaps I want to prove that,  Doggone it, People like me!

Perhaps it's that I've had 3 9% beers alone in the last 3 hours and want something to show for my evening watching Parenthood and tweeting at Lauren Graham....

That's the most likely, honestly.

I don't have fancy pictures, sketches, recipes (although sometimes I do concoct rather fabulous creations); I really only have me. Lord knows if I'll keep it up.

But Lorde knows I'll get more honest. And when I'm honest, you get the fun stories. did I get to "I am 17 going on 18?" I mean, "I'll take care of you," but geez Louise! I'm really going rather quickly with a brand new audience, don't you think?

In any case, a new post (when I'm not toasty on three Dirty Bastards from Bell's Brewery) ought to elicit something more interesting, albeit less honest.

Bear with me. I hope you will find my style intriguing and untrained, yet trainable.